What happens when you have everything to gain and even more to lose?
Kurt threw himself in the cushions of his couch after a long afternoon at the restaurant. It had been three days since fight with Blaine and he was tired. He was tired because he'd barely slept; he was tired because he'd been rehearsing almost every waking moment of the last three days and when it wasn't rehearsing he was working and trying his hardest not to think about Blaine. But that was the point of the break that Blaine had put them on wasn't it? To think about Blaine and what he means to Kurt? But Kurt didn't need to think about that, he already knew what Blaine meant to him and the answer was everything. The only problem now was that he had to prove to Blaine that it was true.
When Santana had come home that night, after Kurt called her begging, desperate for his best friend, the first words out of her mouth weren't accusatory towards like he'd expected them to be. No, the first words out of her mouth formed the question that Kurt had been asking himself since the moment Blaine walked out of the door.
What the hell happened?
Kurt only shrugged and continued to cry.
But the truth, Kurt realized quickly, was that what happened was the result of months of Kurt's cowardly attitude towards bringing up the things that bothered him to Blaine. He was more than aware that if he would have just talked to Blaine sooner, in a civil manner, than everything wouldn't have come to a head in the out of control way it did. And when he told that to Santana, he was surprised that she only stood in front of him, her hands on her hips, looked him straight in the eye and told him that, yeah, he'd been an idiot. And then she hugged him and whispered that everything would be alright.
If Kurt hadn't been in such a pathetic state he would have found it amusing that Santana wasn't jumping at the chance to insult Blaine or blame him for everything that had caused Kurt sadness. But something had changed. Somehow, in the last few months, Santana's opinion of Blaine had changed. They'd become civil and, dare he say it, friendly. Blaine wasn't the only one who'd transformed themselves recently.
Kurt was well aware of that Blaine had transformed since they'd met. He'd gone from a man who didn't believe that love existed, and if it did it wasn't worth his time, to a man who fell in love with Kurt; and who Kurt had fallen wholeheartedly in love with in return. But Kurt had somehow given Blaine the illusion that he never trusted him. That Kurt never believed that Blaine could be man that Kurt could love. But somehow Kurt had to figure out how was going to prove to Blaine that he was wrong. He would find a way to prove to Blaine that he'd never loved anyone like he loved Blaine. And that he thought that maybe, just maybe, there would never be another person that Kurt would ever love. That Blaine was his forever.
Three days after his fight with Kurt, Blaine was living on coffee and the bagels and salads Santana would bring him. Otherwise, he didn't eat. He didn't have time and even though he was meeting clients most of the day, he couldn't exactly bring them out to lunch to tell them they'd lost money. Those who had only invested what was, at least to them, pocket change didn't seem as jostled by the news. They were upset of course but most of them recognized that they were gambling. Just like Kurt had.
It wasn't as smooth sailing with many of his other clients. There had been tears from Mrs. Hensen who didn't quite understand and shouting from Mr. Richards who, it seemed, didn't quite understand what he'd been doing when he invested the money. Blaine tried his best to make sure that his clients were as informed as possible when making investment decisions, but some of them were so passive and were just investing because it seemed like a good idea. They never really understood what was happening.
And even though it was stressful and heartbreaking to have to tell each of his clients that had invested in CCPP that they'd lost money, it was a good distraction from everything that was going on in his personal life. Or maybe it was his lack of personal life since without Kurt Blaine really didn't have anything left.
He'd reluctantly told Cooper about his fight with Kurt when his brother called mere hours after the incident. Blaine's emotions had been so raw and so delicate that it was impossible to hide the fact that something was wrong from his brother, even over the phone. But his brother did his best, since despite being married had always been not-so-great at relationships, to give him advice.
"The guy is crazy about you, Blaine," Cooper had said, "I saw it at the wedding and I saw it at Dad's funeral. I totally get why you're upset and it was a good idea to take a breather. But don't wait too long. Go to him and talk to him. Calmly."
Blaine later learned that Cooper and Angela had had their first fight as a married couple and Cooper seemed to be learning a lot about how to deal with significant others. But Blaine knew that Cooper was right. The only way to solve anything was to talk to Kurt. But every time he thought about Kurt all Blaine could remember was what it felt like to think that Kurt had never really trusted him. When he felt like the only thing that he thought was real in his life had been built upon an unsteady foundation that Blaine had come to believe was indestructible. What if something he thought would last forever turned out to be temporary? Could he look Kurt in the eye and watch it all dissolve?
It had been four days. Four days and Blaine wasn't sure of anything; except that he missed Kurt. In every lunch hour they didn't talk, in every night that he went home to an empty apartment, to every morning he woke up alone in bed, Blaine missed Kurt. Kurt had become ingrained in the fabric of Blaine's world and without him everything seemed a little…less.
"We need to talk," Santana said appearing in the doorway of his office in the afternoon of the fourth day.
He had twenty minutes before he had yet another appointment and was taking a moment to breathe before he delivered bad new to yet another client. But, surprisingly, Santana hadn't said a word about Kurt in the last four days and he could tell by the look at her face that it was finally time for her to berate him.
"Did you come in here to tell me that I'm an idiot and that if I wasn't your boss you'd have my balls on a silver platter?"
"No," Santana said walking further into the office and sitting in one of the chairs in front of Blaine's desk, "But I see you've learned exactly what it means to go Lima Heights. And I may think you're an idiot but I also spent an hour telling him how much of an idiot he is."
Blaine creased his eyebrows, "Why is he an idiot?"
"Because he should have fucking told you something was wrong," Santana said, "Even if you should have figured it out for yourself."
"I had no idea."
"I know," Santana told him, "I think that's the only reason I don't hate you right now. But what worries me the most is that he didn't even tell me that something was bothering him. I'm his best friend."
"He didn't say anything to you?"
"No, he didn't. And that just means that he knows he's being an idiot," Santana said, "And that's the only reason that I'm even talking to you about this."
"He has every right to be mad at me," Blaine told her, "But I swear, I have never thought less of Kurt because his disposable income is less than mine."
"I know that, you know that, hell even he knows that. But Kurt has a tongue made for lashing," Santana explained, "And sometimes when he's scared or angry it makes wounds that he doesn't intend to make but they hurt nonetheless. Trust me, I've been there. But the day you two started doing the dirty was the day that you earned Kurt Hummel's complete trust. What you need to do is talk to him. When he apologies, he'll mean it."
"And everything will magically be better?"
"Do you love him?"
"Yes," Blaine answered without a moment's hesitation.
"Then no, it won't magically be better," Santana said, 'You'll have to apologize too. And then you'll have to promise that you two will never let this happened again for no other reason than to keep me sane. Seriously, he's miserable at home, you're miserable here and Brittany said I look like a sad little panda and that's because you two lovesick idiots aren't happy."
"Don't apologize," Santana told him, "Fix it. I can't believe I'm about to admit this out-loud but like it or not Blainers you're not just my boss, you're my friend. And Kurt is my best friend and I want the two of you to be happy."
"He makes me happy."
"So then please go fix this shit so I can enter my home without the sound of Celine Dion banging violently against my eardrums every day."
"I'll see if he'll talk to me tonight," Blaine said grabbing his phone off the desk, suddenly more desperate than ever to see Kurt, to hear his voice.
"Nope, he's busy tonight," Santana said tossing a folded up piece of paper onto the desk, "Be at that address at six. Kurt had his final audition tonight and you should be there."
Blaine looked down at the address scribbled in Santana's handwriting, "I-I can go to this?"
"I guess so. I was going to go but something tells me he'd rather see your face in that crowd than mine."
Blaine smiled for the first time in four days, "Thank you, Santana. For everything."
"That's what friends are for," Santana said standing, "I do however request that the makeup sex be had at your place. Brittany has some big important dance thing in the morning so I can't be shunned away from my own apartment tonight and I'd really like to not experience the dirty sighs of your reunion."
Blaine laughed and watched Santana walk out of his office, then glanced at his watch. There were four hours before Kurt's audition. And after two more depressing appointments, Blaine hurried about the streets of New York City with a determination he hadn't felt in a long while.
Kurt was beginning to worry. No, actually, he was about to freak out. He was standing backstage with three other guys all of which were competing for, and could easily take, this part and his friend wasn't answering her phone. He'd called Santana twice, sent multiple text messages just to make sure that she'd be there when he had his the audition that could change his entire life, but the only thing he got in response was 'break a leg.' She was being a terrible best friend. She's promised to be there since the only other person he could lean on for support during this nerve-wracking time, Blaine, hadn't called him yet. Kurt had almost broke down and called him that afternoon, desperate to hear his voice, but just as he was about to press that green button, he reminded himself that Blaine would come to him when he was ready to talk about it, about them. And desperate pleading from Kurt to come to his audition wouldn't help the matter any.
When the direction called his name, Kurt closed his eyes, took a deep breath and tried to pretend that he knew someone in the auditorium who was cheering him on before taking the stage.
Blaine doubled checked the address on the paper that Santana had given him before entering the building that looked like an office building. He'd thought about stopping for flowers on the way but the last time he'd brought Kurt flowers it hadn't gone so well (though not at all because of the flowers) and he didn't need anything to distract them from the conversation that so desperately needed to happen.
Blaine followed the signs in the hallway that directed him to the auditorium with quick steps and as he pulled the giant door of the auditorium open he saw Kurt taking center stage. Quietly, Blaine took a seat in the last row of seats and forced his attention on Kurt.
The music started, a simple piano arrangement, and when Kurt began singing, his magical voice projecting through the entire auditorium, Blaine was completely captivated. The world could be crumbling around him and he wouldn't have noticed. Blaine had heard Kurt sing before, but not like this. Singing along with the radio while they were making dinner was one thing, but the way Kurt was singing now, like his life depended on it, was out of this world. Kurt's voice was strong, commanding attention from his audience. And the conviction in his world was nothing like Blaine had ever heard before.
Being Alive was his last chance to convince the director that he was right for this part. To prove to them, what he felt in his heart, that there was nothing else he wanted more than to be part of this production. So he put aside every little bit of his problems with Blaine and the worry of Santana not answering her phone calls and he sang. He sang from that part of him deep inside that was red hot with passion for performing until that feeling, that…overwhelming sense of calm that washed over him while he performed, the reason he knew he wanted to do it for the rest of his life, washed over him completely. He knew his eyes were getting glossy but he didn't care. He sang until the last long note escaped him. And then he stood in the middle of the stage, breathless, with a smile on his face.
The room was silent when Kurt finished his song and Blaine fought back the urge to get to his feet and applaud Kurt. He had been amazing. He wanted desperately to give him the standing ovation he deserved but it didn't seem appropriate.
Blaine watched as Kurt thanked the director and exited stage left. Blaine rushed out of the auditorium into the hallway and looked around for a way to get himself backstage and to Kurt.
Blaine turned in the direction of the voice, the voice that made every unstable bit of him right again, "Kurt."
"What are you doing here," Kurt asked.
"You were amazing," Blaine told him.
"Can we—Santana said—," Blaine mumbled, "Can we talk?"
"She told me about your audition."
"Can we talk?"
"Yeah," Kurt said, "Yeah, of course."
Without hesitation, Blaine reached out and grabbed Kurt's hand and let him into an empty room with a piano. It looked like it could have been classroom if only there were desks. He shut the door behind them.
"I," they both said at the same time causing them both to laugh.
"Can I go first," Kurt asked, "Please."
"I owe you an apology," Kurt said, "I'm sorry for getting so upset the other night and I'm sorry I didn't talk to you about the money thing sooner. And I'm the most sorry that you thought for even a second that I don't trust you or that what we have isn't real because nothing could be further from the truth."
"I know," Blaine responded.
"I should have said something," Kurt continued, "But I was scared. Because I've never had the best luck when it comes to men. I've had guys bail on me for reasons pettier than money and I just came to the conclusion that I was unlucky in love. Or that maybe I was still learning how to do it right. But when you and I go together I felt that something was different. Something was…better. And I was right. Because falling in love with you was the greatest thing I've ever done. And I'm sorry you've ever doubted me but I trust you and I love you completely and I'm terrified that you came all the way here to break up with me because I was terrible at making sure that you knew that."
"You really thing I could just do that," Blaine asked, "You think I could just walk away from you because of one, admittedly idiotic, fight? A fight for which we were both at fault."
"I didn't say it was rational. But that doesn't make it any less true."
"Kurt, this," Blaine said gesturing between himself and Kurt, "us. It's never been about being in a relationship. It was about being with you. I didn't realize that I was missing anything until you came into my life and filled a part of me that had always been absent."
"I love you, Blaine," Kurt said his voice catching and a shine in his eye, "And I promise that something like this will never happen again."
"I love you, too," Blaine said, "And I promise to be more mindful of my spending habits and how you're feeling. But you've got to promise me that you'll let me know when something is bothering you."
"I will," Kurt said, "Blaine?"
"Will you kiss me before I scream?"
"Of course," Blaine said taking a step to close the distance that was still between them, reaching out until his hand could rest upon Kurt's hip and he all he had left to do was lean in and press his lips against Kurt's.
They'd kissed a million times, each as exhilarating for Blaine as the next. Maybe it had been the distance that had been between them or maybe it was something else entirely, but the kiss they shared in the empty room with the piano felt different. Like something that there weren't exactly words for. Something that could possibly be…forever. And that was all that he needed.